I am not going to lie. I hated Gga. I hated the anxiety I had on my way to school. I hated the pressure of constantly aiming to be a straight A student. I hate self-diagnosis, but I hated that (lowkey) I had imposter syndrome and constantly felt undeserving of everything I used to work hard for, and at the same time, I would gaslight myself into thinking it was not enough (how twisted is that). I hated how my heart always felt heavy but I kept going with the hope that one day it was all going to be worth it.
I wanted to go to the USA (specific states, even specific schools), so in my mind, I was like let me keep going, when I get what I want, it will all be worth it. I think during my final year after I got rejected from the school I applied to in Early Decision and had just submitted my regular decision applications, I realized that I might not even get the only thing I wanted from gga. Like it had took so much from me and there was a chance the that I might not get “the one” thing I only wanted. Everything spiralled from there. I think I cried more times than I did during that time than I did in my entire life. Gosh, I was so miserable. My family saw it and started soft launching that I see someone. But in my mind, there was no one who could get the way I was feeling except from people going through the exact same thing (ubwo ni my class mates). But how can you pour from an empty cup. We might not have been going through the exact same thing but twari mu gatebo kamwe pe.
I was so happy the day I was done with NE that I cried tears of joy. Anyways, during my gap year, I realized that I had only focused on what the school took from and not what it gave me. I don’t think I would be who I am today if I had not gone to Gashora. I would be as opinionated and somewhat confident as I am (I think it’s in a good way), I wouldn’t embrace and understand feminism as much as I do and I wouldn’t have the amazing friends that I have. Bref, gga is not a bad school pe. But I just wish I had a higher EQ when I joined, I would have had a better experience.
I tried to be as real as I can while maintaining anonymity, especially now that I am already facing allegations ngo I wrote the comment on tiktok (it’s not me)
Love love love this!!! Being put on a pedestal just bc you come from a relatively comfortable family and equally being smart in class is what destroyed me! Being more wealthy compared to the others ruined my extroverted nature and forced me into a bubble because i was tired of the rude comments. Like i am helpful and kind and i’m indifferent to others, so why was i treated based on my status and not who i am??I’m learning to open up again and speak my mind like i used to but tbh it’s hard trying to defy what Rwandan schools (especially boarding) made me become.
For reference i went to La Colombiere then another school i won’t mentions then GHA and i’m now attending a Rwandan university . So trust i was shit talked ALOT.
You have put into words something I had been struggling to voice during my time there. But it definitely gave me anxiety and I realized in my adult life that I still anticipate people to not support me or be kind to me because of my achievements. I learnt to shrink myself so as to not trigger other’s selfworth. I had to constantly remind myself that I am not the hand spinning the wheel of destiny and that I was still deserving of success for my hardwork. None of us decide the families we are born into. I think it was also unfair to an extent bc half the middle class is living paycheck to paycheck. Like trust me I know what financial insecurity means even if we arent in the same situation- I can extend empathy and support and kindness. But it was never enough nor reciprocated and I grew tired of trying to help bc I was already considered public enemy number one
AgasaroKeza you are truly an inspiration.. not just because you are relatable but also because you manage to put it in a way I can’t put it. My family was very comfortable and I went to a good primary school( to make it worse I am bilingual )then ended up in one of the nuns school( all girls) and that was the worst experience of my life. People making fun of you because you are from a stable family, stealing your stuff just to make you sad , it was a lot.. People don’t realize we don’t live in isolated places but that just outside your gate you can see people struggling to make it, at church, family members , everybody is struggling, because why would I be going to school , a COMPETITIVE SCHOOL, if everything was prepared for me back home . Coming back to being smart, if you were really smart without “gupapa” it made it worse. I used to follow in class, explain to others and pass with straight As which made me isolated cause they said “ntimumwishinge aba yize” byahe se.. I think it made me hate girls/women in general that even now I mostly have more guy friends that women. I now struggle with acknowledging my accomplishments because it was always deemed too much..
Now when we are getting to FAWE let me be unapologetic: You guys are not going to see a doctor who treats patients without undergoing residency right? I never understood we as a collective society decided to put nun in charge of kids education. Now you might bring all about oh but they teach them how to handle these kids but you know these are the same people who vowed not to have children but serve the Lord wholly because "having children to them doesn't mean to be fully endorsed with God?" If the foundation is wrong then whatever you built on the top will continue falling you might try to use steel... You name it ! It doesn't change there's something wrong with the foundation. Every time I saw it how these people really didn't like us they way they treated us: and don't start with the excuse of ohh we were many blah blah: don't excuse pain and torture because it was common!
And I never understood the excuse of "ntago babyaye nuko bameze" then why are we giving them our kids? I will not even start with how we had competitors like Gashora itself,Byimana,St André; these school understood the importance of extra curricular at least, not our school. Reasons why if you see people who are in enrolled America colleges you won't find many A Levels FAWE students why? They don't have any extracurricular! And if you also look at grades you will be shocked cause they apparently gave us exams that were hard so we don't succeed and boast and loose the focus for National Exams. I used to speak a lot about this and the usual mates of mine "Niko bigomba kugenda" that really made me question myself a lot such as "am I being a crybaby" but I had sharp minded friends that would always welcome my "controversial takes". It is safe to say we are not in the best place but at least we are in a happy place!
I would never trade my experience at gga for anything, I’ve grown so much, and honestly, college isn’t better. Coming from a low-income background (emphasizing this), I don’t take any of this lightly. We always knew we had potential, but being in that environment made it real for me, I’ve never felt more empowered. GGA was beyond incredible, and I genuinely didn’t imagine I’d be where I am today.
At the same time, let’s be honest: being in spaces with such different socioeconomic backgrounds isn’t easy. That part is real. But staying in a victim mindset only keeps you stuck and further from growth. Two things can be true, it’s challenging, and it’s an opportunity.
And respectfully, I’d be curious to hear what single school in Rwanda offers a comparable level of exposure and opportunity. At the very least, we owe it to ourselves to recognize both the difficulty and the privilege, and be grateful. 🥲
phionah, you are neither low income nor one to speak on what it means to not have the same opportunities in the first place. However, if you feel moved by the experience of people who have actually lived that, then go have the audacity and confidence to write that perspective from own substack. It is easy to hide behind anonymity and throw stones, but I cant keep blocking your anonymous accounts/comments. It is not that I am incapable of taking criticism, but that you are a coward and a bully who isn’t interested in advocacy and genuine engagement. You really need to heal whatever makes you this bitter in your own body and to others.
It’s honestly strange to see someone make confident claims about a stranger’s background or identity based on a single comment. That’s a big leap.
For what it’s worth, I came across an article about my alma mater and shared my perspective. I didn’t expect it to be taken this personally. I even agreed with parts of what you said, which makes this reaction more confusing. Instead of engaging with the actual point or holding two truths at once like I pointed out you jumped to assumptions and turned it whatever this is.
Maybe this kind of reactive response, without engaging in good faith, is part of why people hesitate to enter conversations around GGA at all. It’s something to reflect on. You might be surprised how much more perspective you’d take in by pausing and engaging rather than immediately lashing out.
If nuanced discussion feels like a personal attack, that’s worth unpacking especially before publishing pieces that invite public dialogue.
Anyway, I was here for conversation but this got weird. I’ll step away, as I’m not interested in spaces where it feels like the only options are agreement or being pulled into something personal that has nothing to do with me. Wishing you well, and good luck with your publication.
It is almost the equivalence of justice to know that You really haven’t changed since middle school. You are still the deeply envious and insecure little girl who would rather break other people down than look in the mirror to put together her broken pieces. I can see your email when you subscribe to my publication, bird. The fact that you made two anonymous accounts and within your calculated intentions to belittle me and my ideas, you revealed your own hand. It is too poetic, only the universe can have planned that. Of course you would attack my reflection given your role in orchestrating my isolation. It is quite a pity that you are cosplaying a low income person knowing full well what that means. You can try and do whatever you can to convince yourself that I am small, but it is because YOU feel small. I know my story, I am confident in my story and sharing my voice. You need to reflect on why that triggers you. Perhaps, it will implore you to use your own ideas for once, and to think for yourself. Who knows, maybe when you stop cosplaying my identity, and that of low income folks, you will finally be able to come to terms with who you have been. I hope you discover who YOU are, and forgive yourself and love yourself regardless. I can assure you this isnt middle school anymore. I will air you out, without a blink of an eye.
I still remember vividly how my stomach would drop everytime we entered the FAWE gates on the first day of the term. My experience was genuinely so miserable that I felt suicidal lol…. And so much of it is accepted and justified under the guise of “oh but look, you turned out fine” “it made you tough” “at least you’re smart”. It is also so interesting for me to read this, btw so well spoken, because I definitely was on a different side of the equation. Resenting the other side because they are the symbol of what the system rewards as it punishes you and the other side being judged unfairly because of a social/financial background they didn’t choose, I still don’t know what the middle ground for it is…. But surely there was better ways to handle/raise 12-15 year old without having to make them feel that way.
I think everyone would say the same at this point. Regardless of your families' financial situation and background, every kid has a barden to carry. If you're from privileged family, you're expected to be something of their choice. If you are not from that family, people think you can't be something different from where you are born, even when you can and wants to. We really need a break, and be asked what we would love to do, instead of putting expectations on us.
I am not going to lie. I hated Gga. I hated the anxiety I had on my way to school. I hated the pressure of constantly aiming to be a straight A student. I hate self-diagnosis, but I hated that (lowkey) I had imposter syndrome and constantly felt undeserving of everything I used to work hard for, and at the same time, I would gaslight myself into thinking it was not enough (how twisted is that). I hated how my heart always felt heavy but I kept going with the hope that one day it was all going to be worth it.
I wanted to go to the USA (specific states, even specific schools), so in my mind, I was like let me keep going, when I get what I want, it will all be worth it. I think during my final year after I got rejected from the school I applied to in Early Decision and had just submitted my regular decision applications, I realized that I might not even get the only thing I wanted from gga. Like it had took so much from me and there was a chance the that I might not get “the one” thing I only wanted. Everything spiralled from there. I think I cried more times than I did during that time than I did in my entire life. Gosh, I was so miserable. My family saw it and started soft launching that I see someone. But in my mind, there was no one who could get the way I was feeling except from people going through the exact same thing (ubwo ni my class mates). But how can you pour from an empty cup. We might not have been going through the exact same thing but twari mu gatebo kamwe pe.
I was so happy the day I was done with NE that I cried tears of joy. Anyways, during my gap year, I realized that I had only focused on what the school took from and not what it gave me. I don’t think I would be who I am today if I had not gone to Gashora. I would be as opinionated and somewhat confident as I am (I think it’s in a good way), I wouldn’t embrace and understand feminism as much as I do and I wouldn’t have the amazing friends that I have. Bref, gga is not a bad school pe. But I just wish I had a higher EQ when I joined, I would have had a better experience.
I tried to be as real as I can while maintaining anonymity, especially now that I am already facing allegations ngo I wrote the comment on tiktok (it’s not me)
Love love love this!!! Being put on a pedestal just bc you come from a relatively comfortable family and equally being smart in class is what destroyed me! Being more wealthy compared to the others ruined my extroverted nature and forced me into a bubble because i was tired of the rude comments. Like i am helpful and kind and i’m indifferent to others, so why was i treated based on my status and not who i am??I’m learning to open up again and speak my mind like i used to but tbh it’s hard trying to defy what Rwandan schools (especially boarding) made me become.
For reference i went to La Colombiere then another school i won’t mentions then GHA and i’m now attending a Rwandan university . So trust i was shit talked ALOT.
You have put into words something I had been struggling to voice during my time there. But it definitely gave me anxiety and I realized in my adult life that I still anticipate people to not support me or be kind to me because of my achievements. I learnt to shrink myself so as to not trigger other’s selfworth. I had to constantly remind myself that I am not the hand spinning the wheel of destiny and that I was still deserving of success for my hardwork. None of us decide the families we are born into. I think it was also unfair to an extent bc half the middle class is living paycheck to paycheck. Like trust me I know what financial insecurity means even if we arent in the same situation- I can extend empathy and support and kindness. But it was never enough nor reciprocated and I grew tired of trying to help bc I was already considered public enemy number one
OMG, if we people from FAWE GIRLS' GISOZI begin to speak,yoooooh. Sorrows and prayers.
AgasaroKeza you are truly an inspiration.. not just because you are relatable but also because you manage to put it in a way I can’t put it. My family was very comfortable and I went to a good primary school( to make it worse I am bilingual )then ended up in one of the nuns school( all girls) and that was the worst experience of my life. People making fun of you because you are from a stable family, stealing your stuff just to make you sad , it was a lot.. People don’t realize we don’t live in isolated places but that just outside your gate you can see people struggling to make it, at church, family members , everybody is struggling, because why would I be going to school , a COMPETITIVE SCHOOL, if everything was prepared for me back home . Coming back to being smart, if you were really smart without “gupapa” it made it worse. I used to follow in class, explain to others and pass with straight As which made me isolated cause they said “ntimumwishinge aba yize” byahe se.. I think it made me hate girls/women in general that even now I mostly have more guy friends that women. I now struggle with acknowledging my accomplishments because it was always deemed too much..
Now when we are getting to FAWE let me be unapologetic: You guys are not going to see a doctor who treats patients without undergoing residency right? I never understood we as a collective society decided to put nun in charge of kids education. Now you might bring all about oh but they teach them how to handle these kids but you know these are the same people who vowed not to have children but serve the Lord wholly because "having children to them doesn't mean to be fully endorsed with God?" If the foundation is wrong then whatever you built on the top will continue falling you might try to use steel... You name it ! It doesn't change there's something wrong with the foundation. Every time I saw it how these people really didn't like us they way they treated us: and don't start with the excuse of ohh we were many blah blah: don't excuse pain and torture because it was common!
And I never understood the excuse of "ntago babyaye nuko bameze" then why are we giving them our kids? I will not even start with how we had competitors like Gashora itself,Byimana,St André; these school understood the importance of extra curricular at least, not our school. Reasons why if you see people who are in enrolled America colleges you won't find many A Levels FAWE students why? They don't have any extracurricular! And if you also look at grades you will be shocked cause they apparently gave us exams that were hard so we don't succeed and boast and loose the focus for National Exams. I used to speak a lot about this and the usual mates of mine "Niko bigomba kugenda" that really made me question myself a lot such as "am I being a crybaby" but I had sharp minded friends that would always welcome my "controversial takes". It is safe to say we are not in the best place but at least we are in a happy place!
I would never trade my experience at gga for anything, I’ve grown so much, and honestly, college isn’t better. Coming from a low-income background (emphasizing this), I don’t take any of this lightly. We always knew we had potential, but being in that environment made it real for me, I’ve never felt more empowered. GGA was beyond incredible, and I genuinely didn’t imagine I’d be where I am today.
At the same time, let’s be honest: being in spaces with such different socioeconomic backgrounds isn’t easy. That part is real. But staying in a victim mindset only keeps you stuck and further from growth. Two things can be true, it’s challenging, and it’s an opportunity.
And respectfully, I’d be curious to hear what single school in Rwanda offers a comparable level of exposure and opportunity. At the very least, we owe it to ourselves to recognize both the difficulty and the privilege, and be grateful. 🥲
phionah, you are neither low income nor one to speak on what it means to not have the same opportunities in the first place. However, if you feel moved by the experience of people who have actually lived that, then go have the audacity and confidence to write that perspective from own substack. It is easy to hide behind anonymity and throw stones, but I cant keep blocking your anonymous accounts/comments. It is not that I am incapable of taking criticism, but that you are a coward and a bully who isn’t interested in advocacy and genuine engagement. You really need to heal whatever makes you this bitter in your own body and to others.
It’s honestly strange to see someone make confident claims about a stranger’s background or identity based on a single comment. That’s a big leap.
For what it’s worth, I came across an article about my alma mater and shared my perspective. I didn’t expect it to be taken this personally. I even agreed with parts of what you said, which makes this reaction more confusing. Instead of engaging with the actual point or holding two truths at once like I pointed out you jumped to assumptions and turned it whatever this is.
Maybe this kind of reactive response, without engaging in good faith, is part of why people hesitate to enter conversations around GGA at all. It’s something to reflect on. You might be surprised how much more perspective you’d take in by pausing and engaging rather than immediately lashing out.
If nuanced discussion feels like a personal attack, that’s worth unpacking especially before publishing pieces that invite public dialogue.
Anyway, I was here for conversation but this got weird. I’ll step away, as I’m not interested in spaces where it feels like the only options are agreement or being pulled into something personal that has nothing to do with me. Wishing you well, and good luck with your publication.
It is almost the equivalence of justice to know that You really haven’t changed since middle school. You are still the deeply envious and insecure little girl who would rather break other people down than look in the mirror to put together her broken pieces. I can see your email when you subscribe to my publication, bird. The fact that you made two anonymous accounts and within your calculated intentions to belittle me and my ideas, you revealed your own hand. It is too poetic, only the universe can have planned that. Of course you would attack my reflection given your role in orchestrating my isolation. It is quite a pity that you are cosplaying a low income person knowing full well what that means. You can try and do whatever you can to convince yourself that I am small, but it is because YOU feel small. I know my story, I am confident in my story and sharing my voice. You need to reflect on why that triggers you. Perhaps, it will implore you to use your own ideas for once, and to think for yourself. Who knows, maybe when you stop cosplaying my identity, and that of low income folks, you will finally be able to come to terms with who you have been. I hope you discover who YOU are, and forgive yourself and love yourself regardless. I can assure you this isnt middle school anymore. I will air you out, without a blink of an eye.
The depression I got from FAWE Gisozi and Rwanda Coding yohhhhhh I can't explain it
And I kid you nott😭
I still remember vividly how my stomach would drop everytime we entered the FAWE gates on the first day of the term. My experience was genuinely so miserable that I felt suicidal lol…. And so much of it is accepted and justified under the guise of “oh but look, you turned out fine” “it made you tough” “at least you’re smart”. It is also so interesting for me to read this, btw so well spoken, because I definitely was on a different side of the equation. Resenting the other side because they are the symbol of what the system rewards as it punishes you and the other side being judged unfairly because of a social/financial background they didn’t choose, I still don’t know what the middle ground for it is…. But surely there was better ways to handle/raise 12-15 year old without having to make them feel that way.
I think everyone would say the same at this point. Regardless of your families' financial situation and background, every kid has a barden to carry. If you're from privileged family, you're expected to be something of their choice. If you are not from that family, people think you can't be something different from where you are born, even when you can and wants to. We really need a break, and be asked what we would love to do, instead of putting expectations on us.